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Begin Again

 

Sometimes something happens that just sort of levels me.

Whether it is a physical challenge,  an emotional one or it could be the daily challenge of negotiating the world and all it’s psychic overload of fear and chaos that I,  as a sensitive person,  pick up.

As an artist,  my most cherished tool of the trade is that very sensitivity.  It allows me to find most everything I need in the present moment.

The past holds little interest nor does the future.

In my art this is a rare and cherished quality because I use the present moment to inform the work so the piece has little chance to have any kind of  ’I've seen that before’  feel because I really just sort of open to what’s available in THAT moment.

This works GREAT in my art.

Not so great when one is trying to live as a fully capable and functioning member of the human race.

I’ve always been challenged by the segue from the circular way of being which makes it possible to register life in a multi-layered and textured way,  and the linear way which helps bill collectors stay away and keeps the water on.

I envy those few I’ve met who seem to negotiate both ways tolerably well.

Anyway,  in my case with MS,  my hand is being forced and I must scratch my way toward unfamiliar territory.

This whole life feels somewhat like a graduate course in something…   wonder what?

All I know to do is get up when I fall and begin again… and do it again tomorrow.

It always helps me when I am in places scented by despair to give something…  a smile,  extra money to the paper guy,  long walk for my dog, prayer for our president,  a soft heart and forgiveness to myself.

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