Faux Real
untitled, 2005, 11"x11"x4", m/m
My two greatest accomplishments in this lifetime are:
1. My circle of friends and mentors who are wide-hearted, wise, passionate, adventuresome, courageous and loyal.
2. The willingness I have cultivated in myself to move toward authenticity.
When I published the post two days ago called: “I NEED HELP”, I stirred up my own cultural armor to such an extent, it almost made me sick.
What happened? I asked myself..
Well, clearly, I had crossed a line I didn’t even know I had.
Yes, my desire is to present myself and my journey to you without too much editing with the hope I create a sort of virtual bridge between us, the common thread; our very humanness.
And so, the other day, I found myself shaking in my boots at the very rawness of it all.
Yes, I know I am not alone in my need…but really, Cathy..must you broadcast it around the world?
Well, the thing I have learned about authenticity is this:
We want it more than anything.
I want it more than anything.
Think of a friend you have not seen in awhile walking up to you and giving you an ‘air-hug’…little body contact, a slight brush of cheek to cheek and you are left feeling glad it’s over and lonely at the same time.
Or the boredom sitting in the audience listening to a speaker REPORT what she knows without giving you entry into her experience at all.
Yuk.
I want real. The raw and undiluted kind. From myself and you.
Anything else bores me. I haven’t the time.
And so… that means that I must ride the waves of embarrassment and resist apology for my efforts to bust down the walls we made of plastic.
Risk BEING SEEN AND JUDGED but also LOVED AND HEALED.
A return to wholeness really has little to do with my ability to walk unassisted to the mailbox.
What it does mean, for me, is the room to try and fail and taste and savour and fall and get up and not have my mind tangle around any part of the adventure.
THE RIGHT TO BE…. no red correction pencil in sight.
In The Wings
hand painted silk suit, 1987
Thresholds are interesting ‘edges’ in life, I think.
Markers in time like graduation or marriage, the birth of a child, a diagnosis of some kind.
Within each of those markers are thresholds of their own.
I can feel myself approaching one of those.
There is only so much we can know about this territory because the other side is still a mystery.
Which is as it should be.
Because if we knew we’d be rendered inert most of the time.
Life is hard and then you die.
That’s an adage heard often.
Another choice might be: “Where, oh where is the miracle hiding in this?”
I’m interested in wholeness.
A site I look at regularly is called TED.com. Stands for Technology,Entertainment and Design.
Looking there ALWAYS stirs up my heart in big and good ways.
Yesterday, I watched a few people talking about a new document called THE CHARTER FOR COMPASSION.
An Indian gentleman spoke of the idea that empathy and compassion are two very separate things.
Empathy is like a tear shed from across the block.. (my words here..)
Compassion can only happen when we, ourselves, are whole human beings with some knowledge of our flaws, broken hearts, disappointments, grief and shadows; have faced them and because of that can now recognize the guy across the street is not immune from his shadow either..
He may not see it yet but it surely lies there in wait.
Knowing this, we can cross the street.
For another or most importantly, ourselves.