Armoring Up

my garden

.

I am noticing how mega-herculean my mind is.

Pain and muscle spasm have been my partners pretty constantly for about a month now.

In order to function I try to disassociate from my body and default into my head.

This sets up an unholy schism.

This tactic feels oddly good because so much work has to go into bypassing the pesky physical form

And our culture has taught us that working very hard DOING STUFF, THINKING STUFF, PRODUCING STUFF

Gives us a gold star.

In the news I watch the theater of evidentiary exchange.

It really isn’t that hard to find support for any opinion you might have.

The thing I am noticing is the penchant for bypassing the body in favor of the seduction of the mind.

Watching the current sparring in the halls of justice provides a perfect laboratory.

How do I decide who to believe when forming my own opinion?

A most potent power women in particular possess seems to me to be

The ability to recognize the brain we have

AND

The archive of knowledge generated by FEELING our existence through our physical form.

This skill set is what we need to be mothers to our children.

We are masters of hypervigilance.

The boon of this innate registration of subtlety allows women a width of awareness

With far more gravitas than a defended or “heady” response.

The negative side of this can look like adrenal exhaustion from just taking in too much life.

For me to heal I am being very tender with myself in part by backing off the “fight” not to feel.

An immediate softness makes its self known as I allow the messages my body wants me to feel.

My tender heart seems to have all the room in the world for the stuff I wear armor to avoid.

Avoidance seems to equal armoring

Which feels and looks so hard.

It certainly has weight

But the kind so very far from the ground.

comments

4 Responses to “Armoring Up”

  1. Shanti on October 1st, 2018

    My tender heart thanks your tender heart for sharing.
    May you find moments of peace amidst the turmoil of mind and body.

  2. Jenny on October 1st, 2018

    Yes it’s hard. My default is to withdraw , hide and that includes from my own self. I think it is like a sea anaemone(? Spelling)where a touch on a tentacle sends it inward. But better is to stay open, alert, flowing with the sea. Withdrawing is like armour. Though sometimes you do need it. You DO.

  3. Jann Tenenbaum on October 5th, 2018

    You are just brilliant, you leave me in awe.
    I love you. Jann

  4. Jann Tenenbaum on October 5th, 2018

    You are just brilliant, you leave me in awe.
    I love you.

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