Girl and a Horse

"GOOD DAY"    1990       monoprint       22x30"

"GOOD DAY" 1990 monoprint 22x30"


Today is one of those weird milestone days when I drag myself out of bed, everything is ‘dis-integrated’ in my body and it is raining and I wonder how the hell to do this life? The realities press in like sticky tar and I can’t find the brightness.

When I began this blog, a friend sent me a link to a guy diagnosed with pancreatic cancer who was an editor of the New York Times with a blog of his own and a giant listening audience as he spoke of symptoms, horror, depression, everything we all associate with disease.

When I think of widening my audience for my own blog here, I just can NOT go the way of shared suffering in such an overt way. It is seductive to do it and that shared experience is what makes support groups so vital.

Even, and especially on dark days such as today, the biggest and best parts of me remember the smooth and unyielding flow of SOMETHING larger than my pesky ‘woe-is-me’ self.

The last time I remember that heightened feeling; everyTHING in life is good, happened on Apache’s back. I’ve been going to a place called CHALLENGE NEW MEXICO which caters to disabled people like me. It’s a safe, loving, adept and compassionate oasis where we ride horses whose level of patience floors me.

Carlos is the true anchor of the place. He’s the cowboy who is big enough to hold all the chaos we ‘freedom-seekers’ bring with us and somehow channel it into life altering experiences of peace, perfection, possibility, hope and MUCHO FUN!

He told me once that he knew Apache, the horse, was in many, many people’s dreams after they had ridden him. Today, I remember and dream.


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