5:30 am Tuesday

 

detail of "TREE BARK",   4'x6',   m/m,   1998

detail of "TREE BARK", 4'x6', m/m, 1998

 

I woke up this morning wondering where my inner ballast was?

I feel sort of cast out to sea, out of my body.

Then I remembered my beautiful teenage friend,  Jena,  is in the hospital.  She is made of the brightest light and I love her.

I often feel things that are not generated by me,  in particular,  but perhaps by someone whose presence I’m in or,  in this case,  someone I love.

Part of my healing is to recognize that I am a sensitive person and to learn to discriminate what is mine and what energies I am picking up from others.   There is too much chaos out there and I have enough of my own so it behooves me to be able to claim mine and leave the rest.

The things that help me do this are silence,  meditation,  careful choices regarding time spent with others and a periodic scan of my energy.

Today,  as my friend lies in the hospital and deals with all the anesthetic strangeness,  healing and trauma her precious body has been through,  I will let myself feel her as fully as I can and send her as much strength and clarity and love I can muster and know,  without a doubt that if I can wake to feeling her- she most surely can register my love.

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