Too Small For You

"BLOOM",  diptych- 40"x80",  1997,  oil on canvas

"BLOOM", diptych- 40"x80", 1997, oil on canvas




You must learn one thing:

The world was made to be free in.

Give up all the other worlds

Except the one to which you belong.

Sometimes it takes the darkness and the sweet

Confinement of your aloneness

To learn

Anything or anyone

That does not bring you alive

Is too small for you.


-David Whyte


As someone who’s  ‘tucked herself in’  energetically most of her life,  I really wonder if alot of this whole MS adventure is some of the effect of that very act of making myself smaller.   I spend so much time alone because it is in my own company I get the sweetness of my natural self.  By that,  I mean the energetic gymnastics I am prone to do around others is forgotten and I feel wide,  soft,  purposeful,  perfect,  light,  funny,  awestruck by the smallest things,  sexy,  creative and grateful most of all.  Now, understand that I love people and am certainly not the monastic type yet that life has had it’s appeal when most of my game was gone… but I am too feisty and all those pesky rules would kill me.

With the advent of my slower,  more careful body,  it gives me time to choose more consciously how I spend my time.  I dated a man awhile back and felt awkward at my inability to just pace walking according to how fast my spirit wanted to go;  quicker with impending rain and flirty female behavior.  I told him and his response was that he liked the slower pace as we always seem to feel we have to get places fast and so we miss good stuff.

I am continually surprised by the addition of treasures to my pile as I empty out,  slow down,  refine more,  talk less.  The cultural grip is gritty and strong and if I were to choose one gift above all others that MS has given me it would be the enforced shove through the glittery cultural gates into nothingness,  which seems to be everything,  after all.


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