New Growth

"LIFT",  2005,  13" x 13" x 4", ceramic, earth

"LIFT", 2005, 13" x 13" x 4", ceramic, earth


You know,  It never ceases to amaze me that my state of being is so malleable and seldom fixed.

I love that about myself.

I can be cloaked in despair one moment only to cross the threshold into hope and anticipation the next.

For a long time I thought this was sort of borderline behavior.   Now I consider it one of my finer assets.

I chose the image above as I created it while I was thinking about how the forest floor is teeming with life in the Spring.  Everything looks dead and brown and used up.  BUT UNDERNEATH!  There are small pulses of the tenderest green being herculean in their lifting of the decaying life above them and,  against all odds PUSHING up toward a new beginning.

They couldn’t have the strength to do what they do if they had not fed on the old and transformed it into new life.

That is how I look at the challenge in my body.

I have the curiosity,  strength and desire to go forward only because I sense myself transforming into a very different and substantial woman by integrating change and watching as I do that,  becoming stronger and less defended all around.

A big core lesson in my life has been to not return to an experience over and over again expecting a different result.

I learn this in little increments and try not to chide myself for the fact it seems to be taking me SSSSSSOOOOOO long to get this.

This theme has shown up in my relationships of ALL sorts;  mother,  father,  family,  men,  friends,  teachers,  and NOW the playing field is my own body and it’s seeming frailty!

There is a fine line that I call the razors edge which actually seems to have that same innate power that the tiny new growing thing in the forest has…

Negotiating life on the razors edge demands beginners mind,  an undefended heart,  an openness to what I don’t know and tenacity drawn from  ‘other-than-human-sources’.

In essence,  it’s the simplest thing but if ANY part of me is fighting change instead of NOTICING and humbly integrating that knowledge, I fall…

This doesn’t mean a passive existence!   NO!

It feels full of life in it’s newness and what it demands of me and those around me.

I suppose I am so in love with THE JOURNEY because when I make art,  the creation PROCESS is what enlivens me.

It seems my life has become a creation in the same sense… The end result is only marginally interesting to me. My prayer is to recognize the power and promise in a moment.


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