Precious Body

 

untitled,  1997-98, 5"h - 13"h

untitled, 1997-98, 5"h - 13"h

 

 In so many spiritual texts it is said:  ‘We are not the body”,  meaning we are essentially Spirit first and having an experience in the body but the issue being that we let our body DEFINE us.   We can’t seem to separate from our MS or a toothache or our cancer or our beauty or ordinaryness..

I hate it that my body feels like it is disintegrating.

I’ve noticed this gaining nervousness which seems to be about questioning what,  exactly might my purpose be now that my body no longer functions as I have always depended on it to?   When the DOING changes or stops,  WHAT IS MY WORTH?

I hate change.

I love change.

I am a highly creative person which,  as an aside,  I believe we all are..

Here I have an opportunity to recreate myself.   I’ve done it many times before.

When I create a piece of art or just have a conversation for that matter,  I start from the same place;  I LISTEN.

I listen for a thread that wants to take me.

It’s like beginning in the void or a dark room and looking for the crack of light and naturally going there..

There,  where it’s still unknown but somehow intriguing.

A PULL happens and there’s always the choice to stay or go but I am curious and bored by familiarity at times.  And so I GO..

These days that thread tugs at me to look at how my precious body is NOT ME.

I have it.   I love it.   I am so appreciative for the functioning it DOES do but I AM NOT IT.

How do I know this?

When I soften out of the density of pain or terror or frustration or anger at the changes taking place,  there seems to be this wideness on the other side of all that.

It feels peaceful and really isn’t attached to anything.  It just seems to be THERE and waiting and feeling weirdly like it is FULL of everything.

These realizations are so much different that the contracting that goes along with wondering about my self-worth as my body changes.

My worth seems to be simply that I exist.  Simple as that.

The cultural overlays are so peskily POTENT!

We should be this,  have that kind of relationship,  wear this shirt,  drive that car,  behave this way,  know that fact,  travel here,  eat that.. YUK!!!!!

I am enchanted by the space between.  There is where the thread seems to be leading me.

I listen and follow.

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