Comfort Food?


"ORANGE/BLACK",  30" x 30",  2006,  m/m

"ORANGE/BLACK", 30" x 30", 2006, m/m



My techno-world is settling down a bit.

I appreciate you hanging in with me.

Soooooooooo… yesterday I went to a favorite haunt.. a hole-in-the-wall treasure of a restaurant.

You have to drive a bit to get there but the rewards are divine..   rugged bumpy driveway,   7 tables and 6 things on the menu.

They are a Santa Fe landmark as they’ve been here God only know how long with the same menu items of 6 different ways to serve a BURGER! (natural, grown-by-them and ground-by-them burgers.

You walk in and write your name on a blackboard and wait to be called.

It’s an old road-house that cares nothing about pretense but knows what it does better than just about anyone;  BURGERS!
I like the un-done feel of the place; good folksy-folks with big hearts.
It is comfort food for me.. not just the food but the people and place and experience.

So I had my burger and fries and conversation with Bonnie,  the waitress and felt happy watching all the bikers and RVers and BMW drivers and a movie star thrown in to boot.

I was in heaven.  (Simple things make me happy..)

Last evening I felt my legs slightly weaker than usual.

This morning I couldn’t get out of bed from the acute dullness and wet-blanket feel over my entire body..

This morning there is not a trustable muscle in my body.

I am talking about this today because I often think those of us with an autoimmune challenge are acting as  ‘canaries in the mine.’

By that I mean to say that seemingly innocuous choices like eating a burger and fries cooked in questionable oil may affect us acutely where someone with a less sensitive system could skate by unscathed.

In this case, from past experience,  I recognize this feeling of utter numbness that dissipates slowly to be caused by eating the potatoes cooked in the ‘bad’ kind of oil we’re all trying to get away from, (trans-fats).

Part of my challenge in dealing with MS is to really value myself and life choices;  (diet,  work,  relationships,  where I put my attention,  etc..) over the short-lived solace of questionable comfort foods  (when I know the end results),  gossipy conversation (because I feel a part of some weird ‘us-against-them’ false sense of belonging),  life choices made moment to moment not in alignment with MY life and quest for wholeness.

I am being asked to lead a MUCH MORE REFINED life and often the little girl in here goes:  “I DON’T WANNA!!!!!”

The question begs : “Well, Cath, how much do you REALLY want to be healthy,  clear,  strong,  adept,  inspired,  of-service  (take your pick..)?

For me,  this is a moment-to-moment challenge..  or opportunity,  I guess.
It’s the graduate course in lining myself up with that thing that I recognize as larger than myself..

You may ask:   How can she get from talking about trans-fats in oil to a spirit-infused life?

Well,  I keep getting the blessed opportunity to move toward clarity and I watch myself keep turning it down because of pesky LITTLE WANTS!

I’m really not beating myself up..  Just a nudge to use our greatest gift of free will and choice and CHOOSE WELL.

Just for today.

OK, Cath?   Just for today..


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