The Return

 

"STAIRS",  1987,  5' x 4',  pigment on wool flannel

"STAIRS", 1987, 5' x 4', pigment on wool flannel

 

This past weekend was great,  then not,  then I had energy,  then I didn’t,  one moment I loved everything about this life then the next was not so enchanting.

I took my dog for a drive to Abiquiu,  an hour north of me.   I have a few places I go when I want to decompress or feel the freedom of no humanity pressing on me.   Just the action of the journey returns me to myself without fail.

We stopped halfway and got food for a picnic.

We drove and drove over miles of dirt road with nothing to look at but the mountain Georgia O’Keeffe painted all the time;  PEDERNAL,  and sagebrush and sky and no clouds and hawks and…  you get the drift…

I stopped under a tree and let LIVVY the chihuahua out the door without a leash.

It was the first time she had tasted this particular brand of freedom.

I needed to let her have it because that very sense of freedom has become so precious to me.  I have it but can’t run; can’t explore interesting rocks I see that are out of range,   can’t go collect the fabulous pebbles unearthed by an ant hill just over there but too far for me to get to.

And so…  I sit in utter peace under a tree watching my dog in ecstatic reverie in her newfound moments of freedom.

I am really,  REALLY bored with the sense of LONGING…

I could long till the cows come home..

I long to wear the jeans I bought that I look great in but take too long to get OFF when I REALLY have to pee. Pathetic.

I long to learn ballroom dancing.   It wasn’t a big issue before but now that I REALLY can’t,  I want to know how.

I long for a whole day of non-body-centric being.

I long to go on long driving adventures and just look at the world.

These are benign longings as it’s somehow too hard this morning to dig into the beefy ones.  I bore myself and,  I’m sure,  you..

Joseph Campbell talks about the hero’s journey being that of finding the gold and RETURNING to society to give it as a gift.

The only small gift I can think of returning to the world after my lovely weekend is to remain in a state of NON- LONGING.   To soak in the pleasures available and not distress myself or others by wanting more.

I can give myself that peace.   Just for today.

comments

2 Responses to “The Return”

  1. Abbie Hunt on May 24th, 2010

    I just love to do ballroom dancing specially during my free times. dancing is my passion.:;,

  2. Grace Rodriguez on June 16th, 2010

    In ballroom dancing, my favorite dance is Rumba and the Flamenco..-“

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