The View

"Land Quilt",   1998,  30" x 30",  m/m

"Land Quilt", 1998, 30" x 30", m/m

 

This morning I woke caught in the big picture..

What if this happens..?

What if I can’t pay for that..?

If my foot curls under any more,  then..

What will I do if…?

Everything started to feel very DENSE and I sat here at the computer wondering why the hell I was thinking I had anything of value to say.

This is usually very unlike me to lose the  ‘vitality thread’  altogether.

So I just STOPPED TRYING.

I just sat here and paused for a moment.

Looked out the window.

Felt how my body doesn’t really feel like my own today.

New tingling sensations have been happening on my left side,  and that side has been my FREE zone,  till now. There has been no weakness there but….

My mind just takes that new tingling and RUNS WITH IT!!
“Oh my God..”,  “What if?,  “Does that mean…?”

Yuk.

So… I’m just sittin’ here managing my fear and along comes my dog,  Livvy.

She looks at me with her soft,  bright,  patient eyes and my whole body comes back to this moment.

She makes her little throaty noises and I know exactly what she means..

This landscape is by far more interesting that the road I was about to go down a few minutes ago..

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