Attitude Adjustment

untitled,  30" x 22", monoprint, 1993

untitled, 30" x 22", monoprint, 1993

 

I have been noticing a strange occurrence of late..

A certain odd and new energy coming toward me from friends and acquaintances alike.

I have had some rough territory to traverse in this lifetime: an ill-equipped and mentally ill mother, alcoholic father, rape, depression, divorce, MS, financial issues, career roller coaster and this weeks installation of my beloved dogs’ severe illness.

Having lived with depression most of my life, I now enjoy a count-on-able clarity of being and level of gratitude for a life I would never wish to trade for another.  I am at peace.

This revelatory state is earned. It is not a given.

I worked my butt off to claim this as mine.

The trick is attitude. ALWAYS A CHOICE. No matter what.

Whine? ? Courage? Forgiveness?  Next…..

This weird energy I am noticing lately is arriving following my latest challenges of two concurrent root canals and Livvy’s sickness;  one on top of the other.

It is almost as if before this, people have been inspired by how I handle things and support me lovingly.

BUT NOW I somehow have crossed the New Age line of: ‘WOW, she’s got SO MUCH bad stuff to deal with in her life that we think she just might have left God’s favor.. Karmic, to be sure.. MUST’VE done somethin’ PRETTY bad to deserve all this!! Gonna take a step or two backwards in case it’s catching..’

I’ve caught myself thinking stuff like this, too.

About me.  Others.

I don’t think any of us are immune.

The fact is:  LIFE IS HARD.

Some more than others but NO ONE ESCAPES.

When we see frailty, a harder-than-one-can-imagine-life, we seem to HAVE to make that other person wrong somehow.

Otherwise we are too, too close.

Close to THAT illness, or THAT loss of a child, or job, or marriage, or country.

And we just can’t bear the change of status we’ve grown to depend upon as rock solid rigid and impermeable.

Until we have to.

And step into the alien status we’ve acquired. ONLY if we let ourselves!

The point here being ain’t NO ONE figured out how to regulate ATTITUDE ADJUSTMENT.

They can’t charge for it or prevent it or patent it. It is ours alone to do with as we wish.

This one thing has given me a life I love to live, am proud of and wish to share.

Shaky start.

Pretty nice outcome.

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