All through out my career as an artist, sculptural objects somehow reminiscent of this one have arrived from my hands.

Round and concave with the inside like the heart of an artichoke: something mysterious and hidden, protected by prickly things.

Because I have always valued NOT deciding what I want to create but rather being LED toward fertile ground, shapes like this one arrive unbidden, waiting for me to give them the attention they ask for.

Most people are afraid of this kind of work from me. Men especially.

The immediate response is that this is sexual in nature. Vaginal. Scary.

Their faces contort into pinched retreat. But they continue to be drawn. To look. To look where we’re not supposed to look.

I finally figured out that the work I create which seems to scare people is archetypal in nature.

I think that because I surrender to the PROCESS of creativity instead of letting my mind direct the results, the gift that arrives is often outside our cultural comfort zone but valid in its’ desire for ‘air time’.

I really don’t care that much what other people feel about this work. Their responses interest me but I realize the message here is mostly for me.

In my healing, I see the connection between my disabling weakness and my disconnect from a good deal of myself.

I am certainly a ‘daddy’s girl’.

I looked into my mother’s eyes and found no power there.

Never did.

And so, I moved on and looked to my father.

There, I saw a slight ability to move outside himself and BE MOVED by nature, power, attention, accolades at work, beauty, visceral excitement, simple pleasures, hedonism.

I grew up hating women. I recognized in my early twenties that I better figure this out as I was neglecting 50% of the population.

Almost ALL my friends were men. I love men.

I went to New York and took a workshop called WOMEN, SEX AND POWER. It changed my life as I got to see all the faces of Eve over a grueling weekend and saw that I belonged to a complicated, passionate, compassionate, smart, naive, beauty-seeking gender. I fell in love. With women.

It was the first part of what has been a lifelong quest to discover who I am as a woman having had no count-on-able guide or role model.

I really am seeing that these sculptures I have made over the years are touchstones acting as way-showers.

They are prickly but somehow invitational at the same time. There is not a total shut down quality but a warning and a challenge.

If you intend to take from me more than you are offered, beware.

But if your heart is true and you have a little patience- here there may be gifts revealed to you.

This approach I am making toward an authentic life and access to my birthright of true visibility as a whole woman is a rigorous one at best.

But really… what else is there to do but take steps to unveil ourselves and show up real and true and strong and soft and ready to love?


One Response to “Energy”

  1. Patrick Carpenter on September 29th, 2009

    Lovely flowing words and thoughts from someone whom is truly present !

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