Fine Line

detail, textile design, 1989, wool flannel

detail, textile design, 1989, wool flannel

I remember a few years back there was a phrase being used something like: ‘connecting through the wound’. I’m pretty sure you guys never had this in your vocabulary but for us of the female species; we are always looking for ways to CONNECT! (I am now hearing the audible shuffle and scrape of shoes worn by the aforementioned half of the population in their mass exodus..)

This topic interests me because of the combination of revulsion and seduction I feel in talking with people about my health challenges.

It is truly a fine line between letting those who care about me in on how I am in an honest and vulnerable way

AND

launching into a whole shared-experience kind of thing where people start talking faster and their voice gets a little higher and eyes seem a little manic..

I’m watching all this in myself but it is a fascinating anthropological study in our challenges as a species to connect intimately and fully without moving toward THE WOUND.

Here’s an example:

“Hi Cath. How are you today?”
“Well, actually, I had this wave of fatigue wash over me this morning and I’m giving myself over to a nap.”
“Oh, I know.. Mt aunt who has MS has to deal with this all the time and she goes to a naturopath and gets this homeopathic concoction that he made specifically for her constitution and she has to take it every hour on the hour for a few weeks. She really likes this guy and thinks he has pretty much saved her life and she told me to tell you about him. He’s expecting your call. Here’s his number.. Don’t call on Thursday or Friday but the other days you could probably………….”
“Uh, huh.. Well, thanks so much for telling me about him. I’m gonna have to get off the phone now but talk to you soon.”

Granted, in this imagined conversation it is not a shared desire to connect through the WOUND by both people but you get the idea.

I’ve watched myself have a day where I had been feeling very isolated and empty only to see that I had just gone over the hour mark in a phone call talking about doctors, symptoms, meds, changes, et al…and STILL felt isolated as I reported all this stuff to ears that were only interested in their needs and story as I was in mine. YUK.

The FINE LINE I’m talking about is the one we’re each responsible for. It is more of a LISTENING line, I think.

Listening for where we slip into the addiction we have as a culture to FIX, and FILL IN EMPTY PLACES. Reach across the abyss of that inherent isolation in all of us by telling stories about someone else more than likely because it’s easier..but so far away from that tender, quivering thread between two people with the honor of experiencing one another for a moment.

I know this sounds ‘pie-in-the-sky’ to some, but it’s what I’m after. Not always. But I want to have that feeling of the preciousness of life more than I do now.

I’m REALLY not talking about any kind of scary intensity.. just the sweetness of a MEETING…a knowing, a seeing and the unexpected GRATITUDE that seems to always follow such experiences.

Simple:   I see you. You see me. Have the finest of days.. Glad we met. I am better for it.

Thank you..

comments

One Response to “Fine Line”

  1. Bibliotekaren on September 27th, 2009

    Profound. I’ve been trampling on the fine line a fair amount these days. Your honest sharing has helped give structure to my recent ponderings. Thank you.

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