Backbone

sculpture detail, ceramic

sculpture detail, ceramic

This journey with MS as a partner is not for the faint of heart to be sure.

When your hearts’ light goes dim, one must rely on backbone strength.

Hopefully, and thankfully in my case, I seem to carry some kind of reserve there, in my backbone.

I’m speaking metaphorically of course but I really think were they to test the bone density back there, mine would blow them away.

We all.. all of us in the MS contingent, have backbone.

It comes, I think, from living in the unknown.

We count on CHANGE as the most reliable event in our lives.

Yep, this ain’t no game for wimps.

Usually, I’m prone to go galloping off to the high road and find the little place inside this challenge that actually DOES move me toward WHOLE depending on my point-of-view.

Today, I am just going to let myself rest in what IS… not expend any energy moving it toward any other nicer ground.

My optimism saves me.

And changes me.

And I am blessed beyond words to have it.

But today..today I am just to damn spent to do any psychic machinations to locate the rose colored glasses though I know I look really good in them..

Today, I will let my friend drive me to a doctors’ appointment with the wheelchair waiting when we get there because there are too many long halls to negotiate and I will let her push me (new experience for us) to the office,

I will lay out my full history once again like an outfit on the bed before school the next day.

I’ll brave the horrid fluorescent lights and perhaps prickly nurses’ assistant and become my best advocate one more time.

Because we always need practice, don’t we?

And THEN I’ll have lunch with two new and fabulous friends who I am beginning to love already.

They also have BACKBONE as well as Primary Progressive MS.

They are gorgeously ALIVE and GENUINE and BEAUTIFUL and SMART!

Except when they’re not..

I feel grateful, once again. to share this particular road of mine because after all is said and done, it is THE THEATER OF THE ABSURD to be sure but how utterly fabulous to turn just barely to my side and feel the preciousness of EMPATHY, COMPASSION and the gift of gifts: BEING SEEN TRULY!

Because, now and only now am I able to come forward without a costume.

The raw and new and alien skin of a woman becoming…

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