First Steps

"TANGLE",  1993, 5" x 5", monoprint

"TANGLE", 1993, 5" x 5", monoprint

Yesterday, I picked up my new leg brace.

First.. it happens to be gorgeous in all of it’s ‘leopardness.’

Second, I was in tears much of the day as my body adjusted and readjusted to the correct alignment a leg and foot are meant to have.

Funny, how these changes affected me so emotionally. I didn’t expect that.

But really.. when you think about all the efforting my miraculous body has been doing to compensate for loss of function in various parts of me- it all makes perfect sense.

The troops are all working their damnedest to move toward health and find these frustrating roadblocks like potholes in the nerve pathway that should allow one to bring a leg forward gracefully..

So then the whole energetic regiment has to find a different the one that can lift my leg up with the sheer strength of my upper hip or my lower back.

Works ok for awhile.

Until the fatigue level just has the whole army lie down and nap till it has the energy to continue.

Take that tried-and-true scenario and add the brace and VAVOOM!!!!

You got yourself a little mutiny amongst the ranks!  CHAOS and CONFUSION!  What used to work, isn’t.

Today, I’ll take my ‘type-A-ness’ and soften to let my body adjust to this new support.

Little by little, I can sense the spectacular power that will be available to me as I drop out of the fear of falling and the frustration of trying to THINK my way through movement.

The very act of moving from VULNERABILITY TO SUPPORT is slightly dicey..

You’d think I’d slide into this (so to speak) with the eagerness and ease of a seal in the water.

It is almost like falling in love.. the IDEA of meeting, connecting, dreaming and touching are so seductive that we often DIVE IN.. and then… after the initial mind-blowing first steps, we relax into getting to know one another a bit.

Trusting that if we slow down, we might have a better chance of building a foundation that will last.


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