Instructions Not Included

"LOVE LETTER", 1999, 12" x 5', m/m

"LOVE LETTER", 1999, 12" x 5', m/m

Let’s see.. did I misplace those instructions somewhere when I opened the MS box?

Don’t see them anywhere…

Sometimes, this forced vocation of detective gets to me.

As I sat in my support group yesterday and listened to people speak, each person had their very own version of this disease that only barely resembled anyone else’s story.

What’s a person to do?

For me, all the litanies of treatment, symptoms, progression rates and meds/supplements ingested make for a dizzying ride.

This health challenge helps me go inside…go inside my own body and LISTEN.

If I really get quiet and stop worrying, wondering, comparing or being numb and just going through the motions as I make decisions, the guidance is right there for me.

It is SO very seductive to depend on someone else’s idea of what I am experiencing.

I don’t want to think about this.

And so.. I’ve seen myself look at a doctor I don’t even feel connected to or particularly respect and I DO WHAT I AM TOLD…and on down the road I feel angry and disappointed at the lack of results forthcoming.

I make that doctor SO WRONG!

But really, it was me.. I wasn’t listening.

I took a pill or followed through with a treatment that I didn’t fully believe in from the start.

Why would my body EVER jump into a healing partnership with inauthentic efforts on my part?

I am learning things like I MUST FEEL CONNECTED IN SOME WAY TO MY PHYSICIAN.

I HAVE TO FULLY BELIEVE THAT THE COURSE OF TREATMENT I CHOOSE HAS THE CAPACITY TO HEAL ME (whatever that looks like).

I MUST REMEMBER THAT THE BODY I HAVE TODAY IS NOT THE ONE I WILL HAVE A MONTH FROM NOW SO THINGS MAY NEED ADJUSTMENT.

And most important: I WILL DO MY BEST TO BE SMART AND SOFT TO THE GUIDANCE AVAILABLE TO ME THROUGH THE INTELLIGENCE OF THIS BODY.

Here’s just a little example of this: A few weeks ago, I gave up coffee and dairy.

I have always known diet plays a significant role in my weakness level but prefered to keep doing those things because of the pleasure quotient and rest in the knowledge I was doing ALL this other stuff as my ‘MS regime.’

Well.. after all these years of KNOWING this information but not taking action on it.. I now see marked changes in my body!

I feel cleaner and clearer. My tongue is no longer coated. Balance is still precarious but I have more ‘constitutional power’ to keep my awareness strong and focussed.

These big results make it easy for me to keep with the program and not weaken into my addiction to the pleasure-zone food brings me.

This new clarity trumps that history, for me.

Seems simple.

Took me about 8 years to listen to what I knew.

I think the instruction booklet is right here all along.

Takes awhile, though, to learn the language.

comments

One Response to “Instructions Not Included”

  1. Diane J Standiford on October 21st, 2009

    Isn’t it true? The mind body connection is so important. I call my doctors: My Team, and my team has a Captain. The Captain is my internist and he is great. Took awhiile to find the right one for ME. I live in a big city and am lucky to be able to pick and choose. I am NOT a “Doctor is God” person though and I do read up on treatments suggested. I feel I have a responsibility to educate myself about MS. Info is vast and ever-changing, but it is worth it to have MS education as one of my tools. (Even my MS neuro once googled one of my questions, right in front of me! LOL) Take care!

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