She Eats

"ROCK", 30" x 30", 1996, m/m

"ROCK", 30" x 30", 1996, m/m

Maya Angelou, who is a heroine of mine, shows someone the door in her home if she thinks they are practicing false modesty.

I have always remembered reading that as it so goes against what I was taught.

We were always encouraged to lead with humility and never play any kind of ‘one-upsmanship.’

As I think about this, it’s more than likely a girl-thing.

I bring this up as I noticed that yesterday, sitting at a gorgeous Thanksgiving table, I hesitated to eat the last bite.

Somewhere along the line it was suggested by my parents that it was good manners to leave the last bite of food on your plate.

I wondered, yesterday, at that custom.

WHY would it be good to leave the last bite?

I decided that it signified that we were not too needy.

We had plenty! We were blessed! We were not hungry enough to have to scrape the plate.

Well, yesterday I found myself among old and new friends I felt safe with and LO and BEHOLD!.. when asked if I wanted more of anything, I said EVERYTHING!!!

I actually laughed and blushed at the gaul of it..

The woman seated next to me says: “Modest girl..” out of the corner of her mouth…

I ate two full plates of the most divine food you could imagine.

I reveled in the hedonistic pleasure of being hungry and eating without shame or care.

I see that I have an undernourished part of me that continually behaves with cultural expectations plastered onto me as a child.

A continual ‘taking a few steps back’ so everyone gets their due.

Only then can I satisfy myself.  And by that time there is likely not enough .

Today, realizing that bit of history which does nothing to allow a thriving existence, I PUT IT DOWN.

Funny, these historical madnesses we follow with foggy unconsciousness until we’ve enough of ‘the real girl’ available to make a different choice altogether.

SHE EATS!!!!!!!!!

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