The Structure of Values

patchwork blanket handpainted, 1990, wool flannel

patchwork blanket handpainted, 1990, wool flannel

I am using my diagnosis of PPMS+ to move me from previously unconscious places in myself toward authentic living.

This manner of healing has proven to provide more positive results than any pill or injection the medical field has offered as yet.

The theme these days seems to be values.

What I am noticing is the fact I have taken on so many familial and cultural values that do not seem to match up well with my own.

I have tried to BE GOOD, BELONG, BECOME.

Is it any wonder my body is behaving in confused and weakened ways and is attacking itself in autoimmunity?

Lately, I feel a chasm between the island I am leaving behind populated by the characters and sets and costumes and missives revered by one species,

And the whispered promise of the sage on the beach slightly beyond my reach, singing me home.

I guess I’ve awhile yet to weather the ocean swells with parched lips and the company of manta rays..

The truth of it is: this place of BETWEEN is raw but not without solace.

As I lean over the side of my small but sturdy boat I see the glimmer below of the white sand and the clear turquoise water that tell me soon I can leave this craft behind and trust that when I jump out of the boat, my feet will find solid ground.

And I will move forward in whatever manner my body will allow.

But I know my breath will reach down into my stomach,

Without the constant catch it now has in my chest.


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