A New Year

"FINE LINE", 13" x 13" x4", m/m

"FINE LINE", 13" x 13" x4", m/m

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I look at my life as a spiral.

Round and round I go seeming to make the same mistakes and revisiting old patterns I thought I was through with.

But really.. when I really look.. that is not the case at all.

Experiences FEEL similar as I move into that area of the spiral but in reality I’m only coming near it; skirting the thing that feels so familiar but NOT revisiting it at all as it was.

Because I am new.

New cells, new thoughts, actions, values. New. With the overlay of the past, certainly, as a valued mentor.

I can tell I’m new because I value different things than I did at this time last year.

My mind travels different and foreign and intriguing roads.

Last year I wasn’t thinking or caring about the legacy we are leaving kids to deal with.

I wasn’t able to distinguish the ‘heart’ in someone’s eyes as well as I can now.

I didn’t use that as a litmus test for whether I wanted to invest time with a person.

I hadn’t yet felt the full-on love of my dog.

And hadn’t yet said a prayer of gratitude for the clarity I have worked hard for in myself and now count on as a reliable resource.

I hadn’t heard or heeded the call to begin writing beyond the question mark: “Who are you to think you have something to say so publicly?”

Last year I wouldn’t have gone beyond the fear.

Today, I have it in me to do it moment by moment with varying success, but I DO it.

New.

Somehow, in this last year, that spiral I spoke about became my friend instead of an: “Oh no.. not THAT again.”

The friend part came from finally feeling the grace of fluidity in it.

NO THING IS FOREVER.

I find such relief in that.

Except when I don’t.

And that, there, changes too..

The ride is the thing.

Curvy, butterflies in your stomach, full out ecstasy and let’s not forget the flat tires along the way.

I wish you a wide, open road opening into adventure that feeds you and always AAA within sight when the need arises.

Happy, healthy, richly textured New Year to each of you with gratitude for your companionship on the road.

comments

One Response to “A New Year”

  1. susan on January 1st, 2010

    Thank You! I need not say more.

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