Disappointment

"BIRD", 2001, 5" x 4" x 4", ceramic

"BIRD", 2001, 5" x 4" x 4", ceramic

When I got divorced, I had a slim thread of myself intact.

How would I find my way back to the Cathy I know and love?

I decided to take a piece of clay each day for a year and do a sort of 3-D journal to begin to reacquaint myself with myself.

I worked in an unedited way and did this for no one’s eyes but my own so I could really see what was THERE.

This is one of those pieces.

She has a bird coming out of her mouth but she is in the middle of a scream.

This is really how I feel, lately. Not always but sometimes.

I am disappointed in myself for a number of things.

I can sense my family’s deep disappointment in me for not following through on some things and not letting them know how they can help me.

I am sure, were it they in this situation, there would be a whole different scenario going on and likely, it would look more pulled together on the exterior.

If I were to pick JUST ONE THING from this entire health challenge I face, that I have a sense is what God might desire of me, it would be this:

“Cathy, the YOU that you were was an act for others. Use this graduate course in CHANGE I have developed for JUST YOU, and let go the old girl.

This will be MESSY AND HUMILIATING AND YOU WILL DISAPPOINT!

Remember who is important here.

YOU.

And forgive yourself as you shed the old skin.

It may look tattered and ugly.

But be patient.

And expect the miracle of the new.

But let me decide what that looks like..

Leave it to me and I will not disappoint.”

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