Hands Off

"BETWEEN", 1995, 22" x 36", m/m

"BETWEEN", 1995, 22" x 36", m/m

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When I look at this painting, I see a crevice.

A free fall between two hard places.

I think when I did this it was supposed to be a landscape but things change..

I am so tired from working so damn hard to reclaim wholeness and health.

After awhile one just has to stop for awhile and do something else.

I’m noticing that when I take my hand off the tiller a very interesting thing happens.

It almost feels like another kind of intelligence kicks in and throws up it’s hands in relief.

THANK GOD SHE HAS STOPPED ALL THIS INCESSANT ‘TRYING TO MAKE SOMETHING HAPPEN!’

Tool kits are exchanged and while I sleep, small but gorgeous men and women file in and begin their song-singing or nervous system whispering or color bathing.

Whatever weird and wonderful, otherworldly medication they deem appropriate.

And, lo and behold!   I wake refreshed and lively. Having DONE NOT A THING but make room for healing to happen.

Pressing into a health challenge (or any other for that matter) has it’s limits.

But do we know when to let go?

That line between the fight and taking the gloves off is a sensitive one.

I don’t want to neglect doing anything that offers support toward healing.

But working too hard toward a desired outcome is exhausting and leaves room for only narrow results.

Miracles happen when our vision gets a little fuzzy so something beyond what we know can sneak in and take it’s place at the table.

That doesn’t mean collapsing into an expected result, desired or not.

Nor does it mean armoring up in your finest chain mail suit.

The action/non-action I am trying to get to is a little bit of both, it seems.

On top of that razor’s edge it can get windy and the weather changes fast and without warning.

But it is not a malevolent weather pattern.

There is a surprising quality of support that wind has..

Balancing on the very edge and keening back and forth; the wind is at your back when you need it and to the left when you need that then it changes direction to break your fall by pushing against your right side as you lean up against it reclaiming your footing.

In that place up there NOTHING can be decided.

Surrender but avoid collapse.

It seems support is always there for me in that very moment I release the tiller.

One must drop the reigns and be moved.

comments

3 Responses to “Hands Off”

  1. Bibliotekaren on February 9th, 2010

    I’ve been working for a long time to find and stay at medium on the burner.

    That halfway place between doing and being. As you said, not forcing but not collapsing. Where the energies balance each other.

    Challenging but possible.

  2. Laura Hegfield on February 10th, 2010

    this is my dwelling place too…in an acutely aware way…the dance between doing and being…wanting to do more…wanting to BE while doing…being wiped out after doing the tiniest thing. Back to just BEING. It is like a crevice, a place between…perhaps this is the healing place.

    I like you painting very much.

  3. Pamela Markoya on February 11th, 2010

    There is an ancient knowing beyond the razor’s edge, beyond the musings of my mind, that has it’s hand on the tiller. This is where all new vision comes from when I let go and let Spirit have it’s way with me.

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