Pressure

"WEATHER", 2000, 30X30", m/m

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Lately, my sleep pattern is broken into 3-4 segments during the night.

I seem to wake alert, and unable to soften into sleep again, I read.

In the deep of last night I stumbled upon a story about a process in which after cremation, a person’s ashes could be made into a diamond.

One could certainly see this as a tawdry gimmick unworthy of attention.

But it got mine..

The metaphor was breathtakingly overt.

If enough pressure is exerted on a bunch of carbon-based material, alchemy shows up at the door and VOILA! We have a glittering, reflective gem you can take anywhere.

I don’t mean to make light of this technology.

There is a part of me that is completely blown away by this and I see that I make it a bit trivial because it moved me so much.

On the one hand, this idea of purposely exerting pressure upon the fly away ashes of a person and coming up with a diamond seems so right..

It is a demonstration in form of what I feel happening inside myself dealing with this health challenge.

I continue to rise each morning and have an intimate conversation with a body that is stiff and weak and getting more so.

I tell her, moment by moment, that we have it in us to make the next move, with grace even, if we’re lucky.

And when we don’t, we don’t.

We stop and recalibrate.

Eat or rest or stretch or take a pill.

And then do it all over again the next hour or day.

A constant pressure toward what?

Moving forward toward life, whatever that looks like, is what I do.

I am grateful I already know my ‘diamondness’ and don’t need the ring.

Of course, I WOULD BE THE RING so the point is moot..

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