Disappointment

untitled, porcelain, 6" x 3" x 3"

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I had made plans to go riding this morning after the long winter’s whack.

My body just isn’t cooperating.

If I counted the times I have said I’d be somewhere and, in the end, could not,

I’d crawl back into bed.

Which is what I may do anyway.

Not out of anything other than general physical weariness..

Who am I kidding?

It is downright depressing at times to deal with this condition that won’t let me do what I WANT TO DO!

Little deaths every day don’t really do it for me.

I really do such a great job of staying on top of the emotional quagmire of this thing.

I do give myself that.

But the grief.. the grief of sitting with the knowledge that my diet MUST be this way or my money goes to THIS thing or my body WON’T do what I want or my hand is no longer the one to make art…

Well.. It’s a post-graduate path to be sure.

But the only advisors I can check in with that I trust have my best interest in mind are myself and God.

It really is one of those 3-dimensional chess boards that provide the playing field for those dealing with a chronic illness.

Interesting when you make a good move,

And psyche-flattening when you CAN’T.

comments

One Response to “Disappointment”

  1. Pam on April 8th, 2010

    Sending lovin’ hugs to you today…

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