Tenuous Hold

“HIGHWAY”, 1993, 40″ x 60″, m/m

Funny, how every single life moment, whisper, kind or cutting word gets stored in our flesh.

Not funny, really, but important to look at as those life impressions break from their weak tethers and run for the hills.

Since I returned from my time with the Dr. in Colorado, old trauma has plopped in my favorite chair.

I remember the sensations in my brain as the frequencies she hooked me up to wiggled their way to wherever they were needed.

I just did not expect to feel this bad.

Bad, in that ‘barely holding it together’ way when social interaction is out of the question.

It looked like (I’m blessedly on the other side of it now) tears and ANGER and frustration and zero tolerance.

It scared me as it seemed there was no cause apparent I could tie my anchor to.

Nope… this was free floating, old and insistent trauma let out after a llllllooooonnnnnggggg run as questionable company in my mind.

I asked for help from a trusted mentor in reclaiming familiar territory and she was there for me.

So I wake this morning with respect for the intelligence of my body to leave things alone until it knew I was up to the visitation.

Respect for the method of healing I have chosen as a powerful tool towards reclaiming my original self.

Respect for myself as someone who could ask for support when she needed it.

And high regard for the physical body to hold and cloister that which innocence could never make sense of.

Because, of course, this is ALL life…

I can almost see in people’s faces and demeanors the drops or quarts or gallons of life they’ve had the courage to drink.

It looks like LIFE on us; lines and chilly stares and caved chests,

And unedited laughter, rippling and wriggling musculature in a full out run or a peachy, blotchy blush in the Spring.

Our body IS the temple which means it holds ALL THE ARCHIVES.

I like that I have the ‘whatever-it-takes’ to pick up the crumpled and torn pieces of paper left in the dusty corners and read them; give them their due and carry on with the privilege of living a rich and multi-textured life.


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