Great Day


detail, textile design
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Went gallivanting yesterday.

I called an old friend I hadn’t seen in a few years as his relationship with another woman precluded ours.We had separated on good terms but there seemed no room for me in his life after that so I let it be.

I got gutsy the other day and called him up.

I broke our silence recently and called him. I asked if he still wanted to be my friend.

There are people in life with whom I have formed a secure and satisfying bond and neither distance nor time seems to have any effect.

This friend is one of those gifts; too valuable to toss into the corner with an “Oh, well…”

He told me that yes, indeed, he would like to be my friend.

Interestingly, he is in the process of unweaving his prior relationship but I had no notion of picking up where we left off.. I want him solely as my friend.

When I look to my inner circle these days, safety (physical, emotional, spiritual), an ability to see outside ones self, a good dose of irreverence and the capacity to swim in deep waters are hallmarks of those I keep close to me.

I listen to myself say “feeling safe” over and over in my life. What does that mean?

In the case of yesterday it meant that when he drove my car I trusted his skill.

I felt he kept his eye on me all day in an unobtrusive way, watching out for my well being.

We drove away from Santa Fe and felt the static of the city stayed behind us as we found hidden red dirt roads that looked like good picnic possibilities.

He found a great spot but it was over hill and dale and outside my normal comfort zone of navigating my walker.

I started to go into my default “NO.”

He said, “Just piggyback. Grab hold my neck and I’ll carry you.”

At first, I balked but his offer sounded so normal and without any weirdness attached to it that I said ok.

We sat in this great spot by the river for awhile till the bugs got us and decided to find a better spot.

It was time for me to get up from the ground.

I didn’t know how.

Usually, I have something to push up with but not here.

“I don’t know how to do this, ” I say.

We try a number of different solutions and start laughing.

It all felt so natural (almost) and fun.

I finally made it up and piggybacked to the car while squealing like a schoolgirl.

That whole thing felt safe.

I am so damned uses to the gravity of being CAREFUL and truncating my life in so many ways because of disability.

Yesterday helped me see and feel options.

I certainly DID NOT ‘look good’ as I struggled to get to the picnic place or try to stand up.

NOTHING WAS NORMAL.

I have a new normal.

And I saw it can be fun.

In order for me to settle into my new normal, I will keep those around me I feel I can test untried territory with and risk failure AND success.

I know it’s all an inside job but the company one keeps helps open sticky doors.

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