Newness


“EGG”, 1997, 30″ x 20″, m/m (see handprint in lower right)
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“My life closed twice before it’s close.”

Emily Dickinson wrote that.

It makes me think of all the little deaths and births that I am privy to of late.

Traveling with disability is probably a bit like childbirth in that you’d never be able to describe it to anyone who hasn’t experienced it.

There’s the cushy side of sailing past long lines of irate people waiting for security.

You flash your ID and whoosh! You take cuts with no shame at all…

Then you get patted down by a rubber gloved security agent in places where no one has touched you in too long.

After that, you educate the (in my case TOTALLY STONED) wheelchair pusher guy about what to do as far as which thing I need next to re-adorn myself; the brace, the shoe, the jacket, the walker, etc..

He’s freaking because he knows he’s screwing up and my voice gets tight and his tip is quickly becoming a token of what’s left of my generous spirit but no more. He’s working on the drug-induced time delay of lazy brain firing.

There is time till take off so positioning near the bathroom is key.

I like this time of watching humanity.

People are kind.

And not.

Mostly, I fade into my witness-mode.

A very great thing about disability is the fact you get the best seat in the plane w/ legroom and, in my case, no one next to you.

On my return to Santa Fe, when my energy reserves were spent and I looked like shit and only had it in me to be borderline civil, THAT STONED WHEELCHAIR PUSHER GUY PICKED ME UP AGAIN!

As he dropped me off at my friends car I gave it to him.

The animal came out and stayed out.

I will write a letter to the airline but I pretty much scared the bejesus out of the droopy-panted guy.

My tone, body language and searing half-masted eyes said: “YOU HAVE GOT TO PAY ATTENTION HERE… I FEEL UNSAFE AND AM TOO TIRED TO MAKE UP FOR YOUR SLOPPINESS. WAKE UP!”

Yeah.. I knew that undomesticated girl was in there somewhere.

It felt good to want to make it home alive.

comments

One Response to “Newness”

  1. Donna on June 2nd, 2010

    I used to love connections that were on different terminals — it gave me the chance to stretch my legs and walk fast.

    The last time I flew, however, the pre-arranged transport between connections didn’t show and the airline staff couldn’t find a wheelchair. I took off stumble-running with my cane to catch my connect. I couldn’t do that now. Dependency on the uncertain is scary.

    About the pat down, you truly had me laughing out loud. I get it. I once was a woman.

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