Slight Obstacle

untitled monoprint, 1990, 22″ x 30″

It seems after a certain amount of time on the planet one would be quite sure that any less-than-fabulous emotion or bump in the road would likely be different an hour from now or tomorrow would find the situation a distant memory…

So then why is it when a new symptom adds itself to my list or I find myself mired in foggy territory do I KNOW THE SITUATION IS PERMANENT??????

I find it utterly ridiculous that I do not know at this point that depression lasts for two days max in my world (mostly) and symptoms are often ghost-like in their arrival and departure.

It is quite unacceptable that I lock down into these states of being leaving all thoughts of possibility and reality checking behind.

MS is scary shit, no doubt about it.

Just pause, Cath, and let the twitching eye have it’s day or the renegade toe curling likely will unfurl tomorrow.

I want so VERY much to remember when the demonic iron gates of hell go up that I am quite sure I saw a faulty join in the grid; easy enough for a girl my size to slither through.

I think I could still make it with a vagrant toe and a hyperactive eye.

Yes, I am quite sure I can.


One Response to “Slight Obstacle”

  1. Laura Hegfield on June 11th, 2010

    Hi Cathy,
    I’ve been wrapped in my own bubble lately…of worry (about new symptoms that come and go), and busyness (preparing for my daughter’s bat mitzvah), and longing (for the terrific jobs many of my friends seem to be starting lately-while I’m home and not able to get out much), and simultaneously feeling grateful for my very good life and the health that I am blessed with (despite the ms weirdness)…in the last 24 hours I’ve started reading blogs again, so I am just catching up on yours…you write so beautifully, from the heart of a warrior (a peace loving one, clearly) …that is to say you write your truth, your story with courage, love, strength, wonder…I feel sooooo blessed to have stumbled upon your writing several months ago. It is an honor to get to know you in this way…I feel uplifted by your candidness and clarity as I too travel this mystical journey.

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