Building a Life


“”REVELATION”, 1996, 24″ x 6′, m/m
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It takes a long time to find a way to make a new and functioning life living with a debilitating illness.

At least it is for me.

I can go into self-criticism fairly easily if I forget that the changes I am working on don’t necessarily show up like: “OK! NOW WE GOT IT GOIN’ ON AND WATCH OUT WORLD!”

No.

Sometimes, even to myself I look like just a progressively disabled woman headed for under the nearest bridge as home.

That is when the ability to articulate what feelings I am having and the courage to get my butt over to where I know wisdom grows, saves me.

THIS IS NOT A SOLITARY PATH!

A hidden life seems comforting in it’s ability to render me seemingly invisible.

But the dragon / angel keeps filing her nails on the screen door and eventually I let her in just to keep my sanity.

The changes in me are ESSENTIAL, meaning ‘of-my-essence.’

But also essential in the way that means PRACTICAL in that my newly crafted life cannot take root without these interior shifts and gains.

When I lose sight, I need someone wise to remind me of my largest self.

For me, this could be a group of trusted people, a sacred (to me) place, meditation or a visit to one of my mentors.

Yeah, the way out is surely through..

And when I am surely through with the ‘through’…..

I pick myself up off the ground and put some great lipstick on and make a call or take an action.

And nobody out there will probably ever know the heroics it takes to push on through.

But that is ok because if someone reminds me, I KNOW..

And it is all right.

comments

One Response to “Building a Life”

  1. Caitlin on August 4th, 2010

    And Tiska and I look forward to being with you next week dear friend.

    Maybe I should buy some lipstick? Have never worn any …

    (the other) C.

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