No Rest

Well…… this here made me pause:

It is almost funny.

But for me, the one who now lives her life from 5-10 am and then again from 7-11pm because of the heat here,

The thought of having to find a dime for the privilege of sitting down is just too much for the girl.

Honestly, is this a commentary on the preciousness of PAUSE or WHAT!!!!!!?????

It is most certainly a cultural thing that puts the fear of god into us at even the THOUGHT of a midday siesta.

Do more, be more, earn more, say more, go more places, read more, accumulate more.

MS is the drill sargent for LESS.

One just has to get used to dropping dreams and capabilities and muscle strength and pride and plans along the roadside.

All of a sudden, after years of unloading, you lie down for a rest and your heart starts beating wildly.

Oh my God!

It is 2:00 in the afternoon and there is so much STUFF TO DO! I can NOT lie down!

I fight this fight in myself almost every day.

It is so very stupid.

I need rest though I can’t seem to allow it.

The heat is really the best antidote for this neurotic wave of ‘cultural norm’ I ride.

What would happen if I gave myself over to the wretched weariness?

Who would I be if I welcomed it as a signal to stop?

Is moving faster and more, BETTER?

For who?

And why is the rest pill so hard for me to swallow?

If I surrendered to it would I ever get up?

How do you make a life in the bench-sitter lane?

Is desirability all about productivity?

Is the space between as valuable as the form on either end?

As I keep dropping coveted stuff by the wayside under the forced discipline of MS, I am being asked to fall in love with emptiness.

It actually has quite an ‘elan all it’s own.

But I’ll probably be asked to drop that too..


One Response to “No Rest”

  1. Dorothyanne Brown on July 21st, 2010

    wonderful post. I’m with you, watching the hours slip by in enforced inactivity. It’s maddening, letting go of so much. It’s liberating, letting go of so much.
    I don’t know how to feel about it…

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