Odd Map

“MEANDER”, 5′ x 6′, 1985, pigment on wool flannel

I watched LEWIS AND CLARK this week. It is a film by Ken Burns.

The guys (and gal) ROCKED!!

Going off into the wild with just their courage and curiosity in tow (plus an ample supply of whisky).

They kept rounding the bend and met either glittering pools or Indians with their hackles up.

I saw that part of the success of this first exploration of our homeland came because they seemed to have good manners; with each other and those they met along the way.

I’m pretty sure they had a hefty dollop of fear to swallow most every day.

But they pressed on.

And on.

They had no map to follow and drew their own along the way so others that followed their lead had a leg up and could put their efforts toward other things.

MS is very like this.

My uncle asked me yesterday what the verdict of my last year’s visit to the MAYO CLINIC was.

“Well.. they told me I have Primary Progressive MS and none of the drugs will work and there is nothing more they can do for me.”

When one gets that kind of information delivered, albeit kindly, one can crawl in a closet or make your own map.

I do both but try to stay the map-making course.

There is an odd beauty to the work-in-progress.

Nothing quite ordered or familiar or sensical even..

But these are the shadow lands and we seem to be the pioneers; those of us with autoimmunity as our guide.

Ambiguity and non-count-on-able medical professionals are our companions.

This is where God comes in and gently (or not) guides us to our knees with a prayer for SOMETHING that makes sense and gives us the thing it takes to round the next bend.

Because there could be beauty.

Or not.

But I’m willing to take a peek.

At least today.


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