Rock My World


“SHIFT”, 1998, 40″ x 30″, m/m
______________________________

In Santa Fe, a favorite conversation of late begins with: “What in the HELL is happening in the world these days? Every single person I talk to is in the midst of some cataclysmic change in their lives! I’m not talking small here either. I mean HUGE CHANGE.”

And it does seem to be the case.

People are leaving or losing jobs, moving, divorcing, getting sick, finding children surrendered long ago to adoption agencies, asking for help when before they couldn’t/wouldn’t, taking up religion or laying it down, downsizing lives of excess and generally sitting smack in the middle of the eye of the storm with limited visibility.

It seems as though ‘re-purposing’ is the name of the game.

See what works and keep that but box up the rest with the knowledge someone else may benefit from your offering.

A health challenge is kindof like a bionic vacuum cleaner.

It’s as though I can sit in the center of my room as the giant sucking sound releases me of anything and EVERYthing in my life that is not fostering my well-being.

I often feel as tho I’m left with NO- thing.

And, in fact, that seems to be the point.

The gods that be seem to be giving all of us second chances by shaking up the status quo so vehemently that we just have to put our will aside and surrender to the insecurity of not knowing.

And we don’t like to do that.

I don’t like to do that.

But really, when I think of it, if I had not been visited by this health challenge I would still be barking up the artist tree that held me for thirty years.

I would never have known the utter perfection I feel as I segue into this new life I’m creating as a writer/public speaker.

If I wasn’t forced to do this change, I likely would never have done it.

And so.. knowing that helps me feel differently about how damn hard and uncomfortable and lonely it is to re-purpose one’s life.

I’ve had to get comfortable with not being sure of much except my desire to live by watching what wants to happen next and giving myself over to something so much larger than me.

I’ve lived a whole life deciding how it should go and now I am taking a pause and a half step back to witness what WANTS to happen.

It is a relief, I tell you. A true calm in the storm.

And I am so very, very grateful to find out I DO NOT KNOW IT ALL.

comments

2 Responses to “Rock My World”

  1. Pam on September 9th, 2010

    Amen!

  2. diane white on September 9th, 2010

    So well said Cathy. In my mind I think about swimming with the current of life in a rushing stream. It is so much easier to swim with the flow as oppose to against it. Sometimes I have to learn that lesson over and over but with each surrender I feel a little more at peace with life.

Leave a Reply