The Disability Question/Answer

untitled, 1978, 14″ x 12″, ceramic

How can it be that I have lived for 10 years with a debilitating physical challenge such as MS

And have not considered myself disabled?

It truly has been a tussle for me to apply for disability as I DO NOT HOLD MYSELF AS A DISABLED PERSON.

This sounds weird, even to me.

Holding onto walls as one walks, using a walker/wheelchair, stamina waning as soon as I arise…

Does this not point to something physically quite amiss??

Yes, these challenges are very real and in my face,

AND, I am somehow able to hold them still as pesky yet ever-present gnats..

Hovering in my sphere and needing much of my attention,

But not unconquerable demons wearing a name tag smeared with Super Glue sporting the name: CATHY.

And so it has taken me years to reconcile the disability question and get the services I truly need.

I have gone from exhausting the goodwill of my dearest friends as they tirelessly went grocery shopping for me,

To finding a local agency which has hooked me up with a fabulous woman who comes once a week to shop and help around the house.

I had been paying an absolutely divine teenager to do these errands but the cost was too high.

It seems that I have FINALLY settled into the psychic ‘ok-ness’ of needing assistance for some things,

AND retaining my vital and life-seeking spirit.

It seems so very elementary to write about this conundrum.

I see the words and wonder: “What’s the big deal, Cath?”

But it HAS been a deal for me.

A twist in the road that took miles to straighten out.

And I had no choice but to feel the nausea of too much distance on that gritty lane.

But here I am crusin’ into a straightaway.

With the need for speed.


2 Responses to “The Disability Question/Answer”

  1. Iain Leslie on November 6th, 2010

    Well said! So much better and encouraging the the usual “but you (often worse – ‘he’) look so well!! Its a disease not a disability.

    Keep on blogging.

  2. enid arias on November 6th, 2010

    I just had a benign brain tumor removed 3 months ago.Also have a bulging disc in back and am dealing with it with physical therapy.Had a Laminectomy(back) operation in April.Got really depressed and am seeing a shrink who by the way has MS..and she is helping me deal with limitations.I feel old and fragile which upsets me but am learning to deal with it.I DO HAVE HOPE..i can conquer the back pain.
    I just wanted to tell you how much your blog ha inspired me and helped me to stop feeling sorry for myself and get on with it!!
    And of your your art is always sooo amazing.
    If you need anything i can help you with I would be happy too..

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