Beyond the Ordinary

“SEED”, 2001, 30″ x 30″, canvas, horsehair, oil, texture

I was doing some blog research recently and came across the huge success of one called 1000 Awesome Things.

“WOW! He’s getting millions of hits on his site and already has a bestselling book,” I’m thinking.

The magnanimous part of me is very glad for his deciphering the need we all have to be reminded of just how rich our lives are when we actually pay attention.

The OTHER part of me is going: “Cathy, you write about stuff that people can get squirmy reading.”

Truth-telling does that sometimes.

The littlest part of me is whispering: “Sure, I want a wider audience and I want a published book and I want to be more out in the world with my writing.”

I want…I want.. I want……………..

Thing is- wanting too hard pulls me off the razor’s edge I have become pretty accustomed to.

The one where equilibrium DEMANDS being acutely aware of when to put the boxing gloves on to fight stuff like symptoms, mood, self-criticism, fatigue and fear,

And when to surrender and just rest in the reality of the moment.

Those two energies rest on my shoulders all the time.

And I continue to give thanks for the gift of free will and choice.

It is not simple.

It isn’t fun.

It is not pretty.


The beautiful part comes when I prove to myself that I have the capacity for it all

And make a choice that softens me in some way.

It is hard to explain but choosing correctly which side of the razor’s edge to lean into provides me with a kind of foundational support no pill could EVER approach.

That, right there, is an awesome thing in my book.


5 Responses to “Beyond the Ordinary”

  1. Laura Hegfield on January 8th, 2011

    mine too! It’s interesting…people keep saying to me…”have you though about writing a book?”…well yeah, of course..but that balance of creative fluid lifeforce (which seems to pour into my blog and photos and yes is better than any drug could possibly be for healing what ails me) and never ending fatigue that tethers me to “this” moment, is indeed a leaning that must be meticulously observed here on the razors edge.

    oh that desire dragon…so much I miss doing, and yet…so much more I experience because I am NOT doing.

  2. Carol S. on January 8th, 2011

    I like your writing. Easy to read. Packs a lot of punch in few words. I want to try to make choices that soften me, too. Good idea.

  3. Elisa on January 8th, 2011

    Lessons for all of us to be sure.
    Thank you Cath.

  4. Carmen A. on January 12th, 2011

    I recently discovered your blog. Reading your daily posts gives me much-need emotional nutrition. You have the courage to bare your thoughts online. Thank you for sharing your gift.

  5. karen on January 18th, 2011

    I wish I could learn to think like that for a significant portion of my days and choose a few more battles, rather than caving like a jellyfish to fear and fatigue.

    thanks for articulating that so clearly. It’s a worthy goal …

    I’m grateful that you write about the things you do, regardless of who might squirm. Your blog is inspiring to me, and your art is lovely. I’ll be one of your first ebook customers, when your book project is done.

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