textile designs, 1988, silk menswear

Many years ago, a friend told me: “Cathy, you want to have this friendship on YOUR terms.”

It was not a compliment.

I’ve always wondered about that statement.

Was I doing something that evoked this ‘either/or’ kind of comment?

Sometimes, I think I am a high-maintenance friend.

I am a very connective person by nature.

But in order for me to do that well, I spend an inordinate amount of time alone.

People who know and love me are cued into the fact that stopping by my house unannounced is not a good plan.

I find it too startling to shift my consciousness from the unguarded state I am in within my home

To welcoming an unexpected friend with a civility I can’t and often don’t want to conjure up.

It has nothing to do with them.

It IS about the preciousness of cultivating my Self as the authentic woman I am becoming.

I am phone-phobic and prefer email in communication.

Does that mean I am hiding out?

Is that bad?

Honestly, I really haven’t the stamina to be that concerned about what people think of me.

On a very basic level I am trying to stay alive and functional.

My life IS on my terms.

I claim it as the ultimate gift I have been given.

I take great pleasure in spreading around any gold I might come across

As I try to do in this blog.

In fact, the sharing of my achievements and failures has proved very good medicine for me.

As I negotiate the hall-of-mirrors this lifetime has laid down as a challenge for me,

It seems to take a good deal of effort on all fronts as I shatter one mirror after the next to reveal the unadulterated ‘Cathy.’

Likely, there are prickly shards of glass stuck to my sweater as I exit the funhouse and head for bed.

My friends and family get nicked along the way.

I’m fairly certain, though,

That I’ll show up for the next round with my lips stained a berry red

And a lean silhouette dressed in well crafted clothes.

“Tell me all your stories,” I say…

And we sit down together for a cup of tea,

Enjoying each other’s company a an elixir

To the re-calibrating

We’re ALL having to do these days…


4 Responses to “Friendship”

  1. Elisa on January 17th, 2011

    you ARE a WONDERFUL friend!!!

  2. Bibliotekaren on January 17th, 2011

    As a solo flyer in life, I was enchanted by how you shared the duality of that existence.


  3. Laura Hegfield on January 17th, 2011

    I have a difficult time transitioning when I am focused…in my space…and can be cranky when interrupted/surprised…my daughters are like this too…I don’t see it so much as a “non-friendliness thing” as an “I’m a creative being, aware of my need for my own time for growth and inner nurturing” thing. Perhaps this is what you are saying too?

  4. gerry harty on January 17th, 2011

    Cathy…thank you so much…You have just described ME!!!…It’s such a relief to know there are kindred spirits out there!!!

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