Myopia


detail of painting
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Walking the razor’s edge of chronic illness demands foresight

As well as scrutiny of the ‘WHAT IS’ I wake up with each day.

This can get tricky as it is a changeable creature.

Like moment to moment change.

It is crazy-making for me as well as those I love.

My immune system is in hyper-drive

Which often means I don’t come down with the various winter maladies floating around

That everyone else seems to be dealing with.

So, I really don’t recognize it

When my body aches

And my fatigue level shoots up

As a visitation from the flu.

A friend said: “Cathy, you have an ever-ready bunny body.”

I didn’t really know what she meant at first.

But the gist is that I just keep getting up when I fall;

Keep pushing through the swamp

Just KNOWING the dry land

Is a short ways up ahead.

This all serves me well.

But blinds me to the big picture

When it might behoove me to keep both

My distance view AND near-sightedness at hand.

I am going to lie down, today.

Not waste my batteries on a seemingly pressing agenda.

Carve out a soft neutral-zone

And read a book.

Or not.

I think it is a culturally instilled thing; this inherent insistence to keep getting up…

GO, GO, GO!

PRESS ON! DO YOUR BEST! NEVER SAY DIE!

It’s this constant societal ‘reach’ that I have running in my blood.

Today, I will withdraw my taut and exhausted arm

And lay it down softly at my side

And just breathe.

comments

6 Responses to “Myopia”

  1. deb farrow on January 28th, 2011

    Dear Kathy,

    What a wonderful blog! Each time I read it, I’m impressed with your writing and your artwork. I go through many of the same feelings you do. I try to learn the lessons ms teaches me, but sometimes I’m a reluctant pupil. (That’s putting it mildly.)

    Here’s a quote for you:
    “Tension is who you think you should
    be. Relaxation is who you are.”

    (Chinese Proverb)

    It helps me to know you’re going through the same thing I am.

    Deb

  2. deb farrow on January 28th, 2011

    Cathy,

    I realize I spelled your name wrong.

    Deb

  3. Carmen A. on January 28th, 2011

    Your writing is like the welcome sound of a waterfall.

  4. Laura Hegfield on January 28th, 2011

    Rest deeply, releasing the collective cultural yoke of HUMAN DOingness…and embrace your HUMAN BEingness.
    xo

  5. Laura Hegfield on January 30th, 2011

    thinking of you dear one…hoping you are indeed resting well.
    xo

  6. Carol S. on January 30th, 2011

    ….Deep sigh….as I read the end of your post. Deep breath. A lesson useful for all of us. Wise words. Hope you can live them and be peaceful today.

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