Hush, Mummy…


detail ceramic sculpture
_______________________

Growing up being ‘mothered’ by an extreme narcissist was work.

Every part of me was in hyper-drive

Trying to figure out how to get her love

Or how to get away from her.

One lasting parting gift she left me

Is the tendency to experience a conversation in 3-D.

A hologram might be a better description.

The front side of a seemingly simple exchange

Also (in my experience) has a back side;

An up and a down as well.

I trained myself

Out of self-preservation

To ‘read’ minute pauses

And barely detectable inflections

Or a sort of baseline kind of jitter

In order to decipher the truth of a thing.

It was all to feel safe;

To have as much information as I could glean

In order that I might be able to feed her

The thing she wanted

And get the love

I needed.

I do this hyper-vigilant screening of conversation even today

When I don’t need to

Or want to

As she is passed onto other pastures.

It is a valuable skill

And I trust myself in it

Except all the times I am wrong

Which really aren’t that many, actually.

I get exhausted by this sensitivity

And yet..

It has kept me alive and swimming

With the rest of you

And for that, I am grateful.

comments

One Response to “Hush, Mummy…”

  1. Carol S on March 13th, 2011

    Hmmm…sounds like a blessing and a curse? I’m very skeptical of many things, and that is sometimes a curse, other times a blessing. Clever title and cool sculpture.

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