Us and Them


detail,earth,ceramic,nails, 2006
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I have been tossed this way and that waiting for my soul to speak up

Regarding what is occurring in Japan.

Everything that surfaced felt colored by fear

Or denial

Or numbness

Or compassion,

Separateness,

Overwhelm,

Awe,

Anger,

Relief,

Curiosity,

Paralysis,

Love,

Terror,

And relief again..

The very humanness of me was/is

So relieved it wasn’t me.

I am saying this out loud only because it is the thing I most don’t want to admit.

The fact is

That it WAS me,

IS me,

And likely,

In the not too distant future

WILL BE me.

I will be the one walking exhausted beyond

Any weariness I’ve yet come through

Walking down a gritty road

Missing my beloved dog

Who I cannot find

And holding a shiny tea kettle

Fresh from my clean kitchen

Of an hour ago

Looking for water

Or food.

I am not a ‘dooms-day-er’.

Just a woman in love with life

As I know it today

And yesterday.

But who’s to say

We’ll get another day

Like today?

BMS and AFMS (before MS and after MS) was just like that.

Without the radiation or the 30′ wave.

But I am different

Because I had to be.

I know the terror of losing identities we are super-glued to

And I know what it takes to make new ones.

It is an arduous

And lonely road.

But along the way there are those who will offer you water

And a safe place to rest your weary head

As we all try to wrap ourselves around this new

And unfamiliar world.

My biggest and most constant teaching

Which MS doles out moment by moment, it seems,

Is that this particular road is not meant to be taken alone.

And so…

Even when we recoil at the thought of appearing

‘Less-than-knowing-it-all’

We have to bow our heads

And say: “Can you teach me what I need to know?”

And bow again

In gratitude

As the stranger walks on

With a cup of water

For our neighbor.

comments

2 Responses to “Us and Them”

  1. gerry harty on March 14th, 2011

    Brilliant Cathy!!!…never forget our angels and spirit guides are around us all the time…we are never alone…I wish you Peace!!!

  2. Laura Hegfield on March 15th, 2011

    Oh Sweet Friend… I am riding the wave with you… we all are… each with a cup of water, a prayer, a message, a blessing.

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