“DIRECTION”, 1999, 6′ x 3′, m/m

I gave my talk last Saturday evening: “THE SHATTERING, THE RECONCILIATION AND THE RETURN”.

50 people attended.

I looked out over the shining faces and saw the most stellar group of dear friends and those I had yet to meet.

The purpose of the event was to come away with a DVD which represents the style and content of my speaking

Which I can use for future marketing.

Every single thing went without a hitch;

I was supported on every level.

I felt great in my skin.

I held to the podium for awhile

Then sat down for the remainder of the talk.

I used a few notes which I looked at once or twice.

Mostly, I told stories

Of what it has meant for me to re-make my life.

I was bordering on ecstatic as I spoke.

Strange, I thought…

People fear speaking in public so much.

Why should this bring me pleasure?

I realized that at the end of a very long road

Taking up space as a truly INAUTHENTIC person..

I now have little to hide

And the relief quotient gives rise to deep pleasure.

The thing I did not expect

Was the dry and wrenching weariness

I felt

After I shared my soul

In such a generous

And transparent way.

I will not say I am sorry

For the extended hiatus from posting here

Because you are privy to the hills and valleys

As I meet them, myself.

I understand now

That many of my precious supporters at this event

Had not seen me in too long.

I have led a fairly insular life

The last few years in order to RE-ORDER my life.

Mixing that energy with the kind it takes to give a speech with cogency

Was too much for me

And I crashed.

It was a great thing to learn for future reference.

I will keep the social separate from the professional

As best I can.

I have not seen the final film yet

But I am thrilled to have done what it took to put it together.

Many have asked about the availability of it.

I’m working on that and will keep you posted…



4 Responses to “Return”

  1. Rose on April 28th, 2011

    This sounds wonderful! I am glad it went so well for you. I do think these sharing / purging experiences can truly be exhausting. This sort of public speaking is outside of my experience but I remember how I would feel in exams, that outpouring of information as if it has a life of it’s own. It feels great, and then you stop and crash and sleep. Be gentle with yourself now.

  2. Muff on April 28th, 2011

    Good for you, Cathy. I, too, hope you’ll share the video. In my much younger days, I dreaded speaking in public — I was so shy. Then, little by little, I overcame it, and now I love speaking and reading to an audience. Guess it’s the latent show-off in me!!

  3. Carmen A. on April 29th, 2011

    Happy your talk went well. I’m going to try to channel your speaking ease tomorrow when I have a book signing and reading. I try to read your blog often. Your writing is like emotional nutrition for me. Thanks!

  4. Carol S on April 29th, 2011

    Also glad it was so excilerating (spelled wrong, sorry), and understand the following crash. But they say to know the highs in life, you’ve got to know the lows. Which I wish you didn’t have to know the lows quite so well. I can only imagine how you touched and inspired so many. I know you have inspired me with your creative writing and imagery. Share the dvd when or if you are ready, post here when or if you are ready. No pressure is one of my favorite sayings and I use it all the time with friends and family. I mean it deeply now…no pressure.

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