Popularity and Choice


“RENAISSANCE” (detail), 2008, 10′ x 4′, naturally pigmented earth, waterproof MDF
_____________________________________________________________
When I married a number of years ago,

In preparation for the day

There were choices to be made.

One of the most challenging for me

Was deciding

Who I REALLY wanted there.

It was effortful because I was changing;

Beginning to make decisions from an authentic place

Instead of an ‘expected’ one.

Like: “I should invite this person because she’s so-an-sos’- mother.

I am using this example because as I look back

Some of my decisions were unpopular.

But, the thing is:

I felt infinitely more free

To sink into the day.

Today, I am more practiced at choosing for myself

And I don’t really care

That those choices register as unpopular on occasion.

How, actually do I choose, these days?

Really, it is an innate trust of my body;

DOES THIS DECISION FEEL RIGHT?

Is this decision generated from my mind?

If so… Cathy: try again.

I often close my eyes and let myself sink into the bottom of my belly.

I try to do what it takes to bypass my brain and even my heart.

When I get my consciousness there

I ask the question again

And FEEL the answer.

Often it surprises me,

Or disappoints me,

Or inspires me,

Or scares me, even.

This intelligence I can now tap into at will

Is the one I trust with every cell of me.

Do I always listen? No.

Is my choice always correct? No.

Do I consistently do what it takes to get there? No.

Do I care what you’ll think of me when I act on this decision I’ve just made? Sometimes.

I am a work in progress.

My life is now my art.

I make a ‘mark’ here

And see if it feels right.

If not, I just take the liberty

Of painting over that mark

And beginning again.

And I walk (figuratively speaking) on..

Utterly enchanted by the colors I choose.

comments

One Response to “Popularity and Choice”

  1. Elisa on August 13th, 2011

    Very lovely and real- like you!

Leave a Reply