She Walks So Fine

detail of painting on wool flannel

I had cowboy boots.

They were blonde-colored with pointed toes.

The stitching was loose and they had age on them

But I loved them so.

In my lifetime of figuring out who I actually am

Aside from all the posing and dallying,

My gait has changed.

As a chubby and depressed schoolgirl

I walked with shame and anxiety.

As a lean and sinewy gymnast

I began to lift my head with pride

And my gait became solid and purposeful

But still a performance.

The girls’ school I attended

Taught us to lead with our chest as we entered a room.

My soul was left scrambling..

Far, far behind.

In college, I knew how to get an instant audience

Just by parading across the dining hall.

As a married woman,

Anxiety cut my stride in half.

Divorced, it returned.

These days

It takes me awhile

To strap on my assorted hardware;

Two braces with more velcro

Than any person should ever have to negotiate.

They are my support.

And I love them for that.

My boot-walkin’ days are quite over, now.

Strangely, since my limp and drag are real

I don’t hate them.

I am moving into my new home this weekend.

Walking over the threshold and out the door of my current little nest

And into this miracle of a safe and lovely place

Will likely silence me awhile.

I will need to stroll/roll around and pay homage

To the gift and nurturing

Of this circumstance.

I will let a new gait emerge.

Or not, as the case may be.

I will begin time in my new home with innocent eyes

And a curious heart

And let myself be led,

Even coddled a bit.

I will walk

Back to you, here…

Perhaps new.


5 Responses to “She Walks So Fine”

  1. Donna on November 17th, 2011

    Loved the gait progressions through the years. Best to you in your new home. May it soon feel like a comfy and secure nest.

  2. Donna on November 17th, 2011

    Umm, let me add to the above comment. I don’t love how the gait progression has ended where you currently are. I loved how you laid it out. Guess I should be careful with my comments! :0

  3. lynn kaye on November 18th, 2011

    …a gait of grace. i imagine a stream of sun light illuminating your favorite new spot that makes you smile.

  4. Laura Hegfield on November 24th, 2011

    So glad we have “walked” into each other’ lives Kathy…happy Thanksgiving. May your new home be a harbor for blessing.

  5. gerry harty on November 24th, 2011

    Happy Thanksgiving Cathy…I hope your new home wraps it’s arms around you with a feeling of total peace and security…love you,Gerry

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