Admiration and Loneliness


ceramic, 7 x 2″
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This week I am participating in an intensive taught by my yoga/Qigong instructor. People from far away places have made their way to Santa Fe to take part in this event; Italy, Portland, OR, Taos, NM. Sixty of us are tied together by one thing in particular: we desire some quality, some knowledge, some way of being in the world that we experience another person (our teacher) embodying.

Loneliness is built into admiration. I might feel someone else may be familiar with a quality or piece of the puzzle which, if I had access to it would help me add a pivotal piece to my own puzzle. I would then feel more whole or complete. The distance between the having and not having is undeniably lonely. Painful and exquisite at the same time.

I do not think completion is the goal, frankly. I prefer to court mystery and be astonished when in proximity to the next ‘thing’ for me. Or, perhaps it is not for me… Maybe the quality I admire is meant to just be admired and for me to feel that potent distance; the space between being the destination of the gift- and the stance of admiration being the gift itself.

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