Boredom As Freedom

detail of painting

Boredom has often been a harbinger of big change for me.

I have paid attention to it for long enough now to realize that the state of boredom is my nemesis; I will do what it takes to make it go away.

I am bored by having 90% of my life energy directed toward taking pills, effortful ambulation, saying no instead of yes, feeling the built-in separation between me and Life as I negotiate a physical/emotional/spiritual challenge like MS.

The whole thing bores me…

Having all this energy directed toward my self feels unnatural and unfulfilling.

It has been 12 years now that have found me dealing with this diagnosis and it’s accompanying landscapes, most of which are colored by decline of some sort.

But not all..

I have been the ‘constant farmer’ and faithfully turned the ground in my fields each season. Few corners of my soul have escaped scrutiny. I’ve taken my bent and rusty shovel and used this illness to grow myself a new Self.

And now I am tired and bored.

What comes next? I wonder…

I am bored and free.


One Response to “Boredom As Freedom”

  1. Muff on September 3rd, 2012

    There’s still more to till, so don’t let the ennui drag you down! Search for new arable corners, and farm to your heart’s content!

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