Powerless Not Helpless

Well…Here I am still in wait mode for my apartment. It interests me how the essence of a place can be so alive and either nurturing or not. Here, I have had an opportunity to rest deeply on all levels and catch up a bit on what has been a full 5 months of high stress in my housing transition conundrums. Since I am so good at soldiering my way through challenges I tend to forget what stress does to MS.. It really is scarily apparent the ground I have lost as I begin to relax and recoup. I rest, read, self-medicate with cable TV and eat consciously.

I get in trouble when I isolate myself due to fatigue. Yesterday, I went into downtown Santa Fe and tooled around with a good girlfriend and Livvy. I noticed how happy I was and able to be present with various people we met on the street because I had the support of my friend. She has what I call ‘wide-vision’ and sees possible obstacles before we get there and remedies the situation which paves the way for me to relax. Just little things like moving chairs out of the way and opening doors.

I honestly don’t know how I do this path I am on alone. I just do what I have to do and am beyond grateful for the support and kindness I come in contact with more often than not; surprise conversations of depth with strangers, miracle offers of financial help, my family’s continual ‘got your back, Cath.’

Life is good.

ps… forgive me for not responding to emails you send me through this site. my mail system won’t let me until I can access my desktop computer.

comments

One Response to “Powerless Not Helpless”

  1. laura Hegfield on May 23rd, 2013

    I have been away from your innerness expressed for too long. I’ve missed you. I too am eternally amazed by small kindnesses…grateful for those who move chairs or carry me up steps at the end of the day. Your mag wheels chair sounds pretty awesome… someday I imagine there will be one for me… for now I can walk most of the time… and then, you know, rag doll or stiff and unable to lift my legs… an interesting dance… witnessed from the inside out.

Leave a Reply