The Swerve of the World

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My primary meditation in life has been looking inward; toward the shadow when I didn’t want to and doing what it takes to lift the fog toward clarity and clean air to breathe.

What keeps me sane is the knowledge I have ALWAYS reached for what I recognize as the light. Even with a battered will and the ineffectiveness of innocence at times..still I have reached.

I imagine many people look at my life and see one of grit and hard falls and the opposite of comfort, perhaps.

I myself, have surely wondered where in the hell is the ease, for cryin’ out loud? Why this particular path and set of circumstances?

If I let myself hang out in: “I wonder what people think?” too long I invariably end up doubting myself on many levels.

My so called ‘intensity’ is intolerable for some.

I want to apologize for it to smooth the way of relationship.

But when I do that I feel muddy and wrong…

If it were not tempered by lightness of being and laughter I’d be worried and might urge you to click over to another website altogether.

In the last number of years I have heard people/ friends/ respected ones call me wise or inspiring or courageous at times.

I know those emerging parts of me, too.

I know they are part and not all.

I recognize them as earned qualities. I earned them; they were not a ‘given’ in my life.

These qualities though fleeting, are present in me because I have done what it has taken / what it takes to reclaim an innocence and real relationship with something much, much larger than me.

I consider this my highest accomplishment.

Inquiry has made me a more loving human being.

It has taken a life of curiosity, introspection and quiet.

I have received lots of help.

I was broken.

And now I’m not.

And I bow to my own intense quest for wholeness.

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One Response to “The Swerve of the World”

  1. Rita Kindl Myers on June 22nd, 2013

    Beautiful! ” I have ALWAYS reached for what I recognize as the light.” You’ve expressed what I strive for… in my life as well. I have to try, I don’t know why, but I do.

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