I Had Wine

detail of painted wool flannel

Each neurologist I have seen over the years (including the MAYO Clinic) has said pretty much the same thing to me: “You have Primary Progressive MS and we have no drug therapy or anything for that matter to offer you.

Every few years I panic at the gain in my disability and try again to find the magic neuro who will give me hope or at least some new information.

I had another MRI recently and the lesions had not increased which is good.

I have to be my own advocate. My sensitivities in many areas are strung taut which is a blessing and a curse.

I feel life very deeply.

My brother is challenged by CHRONE’S disease (severe irritable bowel disease, another autoimmune illness) and I, MS.

We both spent our formative years negotiating poisoned waters in the wake of a mentally ill mother who distanced herself through depression and utter narcissism.

Is there a connection here? I believe our digestive system takes a huge hit when stress is what we meet 24/7.

I got together with a very interesting man recently.. I wanted so much to feel normal so I had some wine with him.

We had a great time but three days later I am just now waking to the Cathy I remember.

My legs and arms went numb. I became too weak to lift both legs into bed, too weak to brush my teeth.

It is the sugar in the wine that got me and my functioning returns slowly as it leaves my body.

For me to heal or remain functioning I can not get near wheat, sugar, dairy, soy, grains or fermented food.

I am a hedonist at heart and staying healthy is a major effort to keep away from a deprived mindset considering the narrowing of so many other areas of my life.

The deal is to value ourselves highly enough to forgo the identified mine fields.

To find solace in uniqueness over normality or high-sensitivity over buttoned up smoothness.

I tell you- this path takes a warrior’s heart and keeping near those who see, support, champion and hold us close.

My road is one of refinement- diet, people, activity, thought, belief.

No more grape for this girl.


2 Responses to “I Had Wine”

  1. patricia flasch on October 2nd, 2013

    Hi Cathy:
    I’m just now considering writing a blog so I looked up yours because it is one I am very touched by. Thanks for modeling such beautiful authenticity.

  2. laura Hegfield on October 2nd, 2013

    Wow, I eat all of that stuff… interesting. I didn’t know your brother has Crohn’s. My mother, brother and daughter all have it too. My mother’s first cousin has Crohn’s and his sister’s daughter … so my cousin but I always get mixed up with the steps and what not, any way, she has MS. I wonder if this is fairly common to have both MS and Crohn’s in a family.

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