Is Being Alone A Problem?

lying down
“SQUID” 20×4″, ceramic,steel, 2000
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“To become deeply silent is not to become still, but to become tidal.”

David Whyte

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I have what some people crave: the utter luxury of unfettered time.

My life is spare and quite silent.

I live alone with my dog, Livvy though I have a few stellar friends close by.

Isolation can grab me by the scruff sometimes, and it can take me down.

The depths have always held great gifts as well as monsters. I have to be awake to this fact.

I spend time writing, reading, sitting in a big chair I love and just looking out with a diffuse gaze and musing about life, love, creativity, God, my haircut, Ellen DeGeneres and my weird neighbor.

Seldom do I listen to music which I always thought was odd (though I do love The Rolling Stones)

But now I just do what I’m drawn to do and relish the luxury of being able to choose.

Sometimes, I really miss intimate time with a man. Not just sex but the easy exchange of flirt and fiest and fun and folly. I have good male friends as well as women. I need their energy to help me stay balanced and tether me earthward when I fly too high.

What makes me happiest is what I call “BEING IN THE RIVER”. It feels very different than living a life watching the water from the bank.

Standing in the middle of the river one must continually adjust and re-balance to negotiate the shifting current from fast to slow as well as dodging the debris all the while enjoying the coolness and flecks of quartz just out of reach.

Being in the river means allowing ones’ self to be moved. Leaving the heaviness of WILL on the bank with socks and shoes and entering the water as an innocent; willing to be guided, taught, opened.

In the luxury of my contemplative life I can explore territory known to few.

I know this is the thing people used to pay me for when I sold a piece of art; I had done what it took to set my life up with time and space to deep sea dive and return to the surface with gifts of color, form, impressions, ideas they hadn’t the time themselves to conjure.

Now- instead of creating art in form I write, talk or just keep quiet.

So luxurious.

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One Response to “Is Being Alone A Problem?”

  1. Rita Kindl Myers on April 12th, 2014

    A distilled account of life that is so very familiar to me. I live a life bound physically by MS. But I also know my life can be as limited as my mental, emotional and spiritual state of being. I love the image of the river and your place in it. It bringns to life a very real place for me. How refreshing to have aspects of my own life validated through your words: an art form in and of itself.

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