The Creative Process

girl1
“GIRL” ceramic,steel 22×5″ 2000
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THE CREATIVE PROCESS

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1. This is awesome.

2. This is tricky.

3. This is shit.

4. I am shit.

5. This might be OK.

6. This is awesome.

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– credit unknown

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I live with each one of these parts of the creative process and have since I can remember.

I’ve read self-help books, had years of therapy, drank too much wine and still..each part of this process is all too familiar to me.

I read this list and think: “It really shouldn’t be this hard, Cath.”

But it is.

After all these years I know that I feel most myself inside this process of bringing something-or-other to life that was scratching to get here..

This world is my safe place which is funny because it is anything but.

Something I like very much about writing to you here is the immediacy. I write what is there and sometimes I push the “publish” button before I’ve refined things enough.

Then- I live inside #3 which likely turns into #4

Until I coax myself into neutral which takes time and other ritualistic behaviors I won’t mention here.

This is my life.

I take major risks expressing myself.

I do this because I can.

And because I find what moves me, juices me, scares me, embarrasses me, inspires me, changes me, very interesting because I know that it is not just me who experiences all this remarkable territory.

Believe me when I say my family knows more about me through this blog than likely they ever really wanted to know.

But I like being known by them. A lot. Actually only sometimes.

Yeah- I also have shame and other stuff from being known so intimately but if the frozenness we all grew up with is the alternative then I choose my way.

I am fully aware I have built a forum here that allows for messiness (ie: not-absolutely-refined stuff to go live).

I’m more interested in authenticity than anything else these days.

I’m sort of falling in love with my imperfections on some private level because they are true.

Sometimes I get embarrassed that you get to see them.

But we all seem so frozen in our diligent “do-overs-until-we-think-we/it-look-REALLY GOOD or perfect even..”.

I’m interested in what is there before the “do-over”

And let me tell you: THIS IS WAY SCARY!

AND THRILLING!

And sacred,

Sacred,

Sacred ground.

Now..where is that martini?

comments

7 Responses to “The Creative Process”

  1. willow1945 on July 6th, 2014

    The Creative Process–so funny, so true!

  2. Barbara McDaniel on July 6th, 2014

    Thanks for this nourishment Cathy. I’m in CA, on a painting retreat, hoping to work from that same frightening, liberating place. Here’s to our devotion!

  3. Jane on July 6th, 2014

    I am grateful for your courage, Cathy. I feel like you speak for me, (or is it to me?), so many times. Thank you.

  4. Cathy on July 6th, 2014

    A BIG thank you to you appreciators of my ‘stuff’ !!

  5. Peggy Nelson on July 7th, 2014

    Out here reading you. Love the “rawness” of your writing and willingness to be vulnerable.

  6. Barry on July 7th, 2014

    I like knowing you …… this intimately.

  7. Jenny on July 9th, 2014

    It is so great how immediately I felt “Yep yep” “aha ” and “hmm hmm “when reading the creative process and that splendid word shit. And I think when I hit it or it hits me , it is a cow pat. A pretty fresh cow pat , that is from a large herbivore and smells ok. Because what could not be good about something with huge eyes and an udder. And then I think I would wash off what I could and then take the rest home and put it in the garden. And it would remind me that next time , life was turning to shit, I would have roses in a few days.
    Thank you Cathy!

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