Control

lowe
“LOWE INSTALLATION”- photo credit Herb Lotz
______________________________________

.

My fabulous sister was here the past few days. We had a really easy, fun time together.

We visited a bug museum and ate (not bugs..), talked, mused, languished, rolled around town and did a lot of nothing. I felt entirely nourished on all levels.

I was tired when she left. Tired from nothing other than what felt like doing a lot of nothing.

The installation pictured above was a favorite of mine from my old life. Each of the three pieces was very labor intensive to create. The surfaces are covered with earth that had to be gathered from miles away down canyons and carried out. The tiny ceramic pieces dotting the work were individually shaped, smoke fired and attached to a nail which was set individually in hundreds of drilled holes. The frames were sculpted to fit the curved plaster walls.

My hands, mind, muscles, finances, spirit used to each be up to tasks such as this.

Now I lack the muscle control and general juju essential for even an afternoon of much of anything.

A family visit serves as a touchstone for a reality check for me.

Visits happen infrequently enough that I can’t sidestep the facts of my decline.

I am feeling sad in my bones today and missing the uber-dexterity of each and every tiny muscle of my hands which created the work you see here.

Yes, these days I am doing other work. I use different muscles like heart, psychic, emotional, spiritual.

I am still privy to the lovely exhaustion following satisfying work.

But not today.

Today I miss thinking I had all the control in the world.

But of course this is a seductive curve ball which has to, in the end, take the great fall.

comments

2 Responses to “Control”

  1. Barbara McDaniel on August 10th, 2014

    I am also frail and vulnerable, faced with my own decline. Thank you for giving voice to a muscular embrace of life lived in conscious letting go.

  2. Barry on August 11th, 2014

    I love the artist to the core that you are!

Leave a Reply