Coddling My Precious Nervous System

the fall
detail of sculpture, ceramic
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Whenever I get a chance I put one hand on my heart and one on my belly. I breathe. I cherish myself.

Since day one of my life my nervous system has been working in over-drive. Born to a mother I was not given the opportunity to bond with set me up for a life of hyper-vigilance; Was I safe? How do I tell? Is this REALLY me or a ‘me-trying-to-get-what-I-never-got’ from someone or other?

I lived pretty much outside my body for many, many years..always two steps ahead of my physical self in order to suss out the territory.

Actually, with the loss of my mother and father and the milestone of turning 50 I began to feel free.. feeling crept back into my body where there had been armored numbness.

Today, I feel fully functional as CATHY PRESENT. And yes.. I do feel like an actual present..to myself.

Here I am. Authentic me.

Whew…what a long fucking row I have hoed.

It remains a challenge to equalize my nervous system which wants to grind away at it’s familiar velocity.

Here is my current anti-anxiety drug of choice:

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THE GOLDEN RIVER MEDITATION

Imagine walking on a meadow path until you reach the bank of a softly flowing clear river.

Stepping into the shallow, warm, sandy bottomed flow you lie down dressed only in your skin with your head facing the origin of flow.

Pause to feel the water slipping easily around your body and moving on it’s way.

Now imagine the river is made of warm, liquid gold.

Open the top of your head and let the gold move slowly into you and filling each capillary.

Take your time here.

As you are ready, open your feet to let the gold back into it’s source.

comments

4 Responses to “Coddling My Precious Nervous System”

  1. barbara mcdaniel on October 8th, 2014

    whoa, really good, cathy. ooh, i can feel it!

  2. Barbara on October 8th, 2014

    Beautiful …such feeling in your words.

    I did feel a connection with you, so glad you remembered us 🙂

  3. Jane on October 8th, 2014

    Thank you, Cathy. Much needed reminder about hyper vigilance and the need to let it be. May we all be at peace.

  4. Jim on October 8th, 2014

    Cathy, I like that your precious nervous system, as depicted in today’s art choice, is all interconnected and pointing upward!

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